OK women, if you are single and between the ages of 30 and 103 you need to read this. Whether you are single, divorced or widowed and whether you have five children or nothing but cats you really need to read this. Yes, dating in 2009 is difficult no matter who you are but let me tell you I am a single 34 year-old woman living in Kansas City. Kansas City was just ranked the second worst place to be single and dating in the continental United States. But I date! And I date often! So let me tell you how it is done.
1. Think of dating like playing the lottery; the more you play the better your chances of winning. Therefore, the more often you date the more likely your chances of meeting someone with whom you can share a relationship. I’m not saying to agree to go out to dinner with your gynecologist’s 19 year-old son but I am saying to bring down your walls just a little bit. You never know what can happen and you most certainly cannot judge a man by his Facebook page.
2. Be Safe! I am amazed at the amount of women who do not partake in safe sex practices. It is 2009 people! Have you not heard of this little epidemic thing we like to call AIDS? Have you not heard about Chlamydia infection or Herpes? Be safe! If a man (or woman) does not insist on using a condom they most likely don’t ever insist on using a condom. Therefore you are sleeping with everyone they have slept with. And all those people’s partners.
3. A great first date is coffee. I have seriously gone on at least 500 first dates and the absolute perfect first date is a coffee shop. Make it short and sweet. An hour, tops. If things go well you will have a second date to look forward to and if things don’t go well you’ve only lost an hour of your life.
4. Having problems meeting people to date? I have met people and dated them at the grocery store, Starbucks, the dog park, church, the bar, and in my neighborhood. The best most unknown way to meet people is through people. Have your friends and family set you up! I know many people think this is a bad idea but I have never lost a friend over it. Your friends and family know you the best and they know who they would like to see you with. It’s just a coffee date what do you have to lose! Go into it without expectation and you cannot be disappointed.
5. Internet Dating Sites have produced my longest lasting relationships and actually produced my current relationship which, I am hoping was my last first date ever. There are so many Internet dating sites out there; eHarmony, Match.com, Plenty of Fish, Tagged, Yahoo Personals, just to name a few. I understand back in the 80s and even the 90s online dating carried a stigma with it of ‘what is wrong with you why do you have to do Internet dating.
If you think about it logically most people today are completely concentrated on their careers and have very little time to date. Not to mention we are becoming increasingly more hesitant to meet potential significant others at bars or nightclubs or anywhere alcohol is involved for that matter. By extending your profile to a dating site you can literally hand pick your date for Saturday night. You can hand pick them down to their shoe size if you want to.
6. Depending on your age the games really need to stop. Most men I have encountered are very genuine and really want to settle down in their 30s. Therefore, if you are ready to settle down maybe you should look at dating someone in their 30s or even older. If you are still looking for a bar buddy and someone to comment on your Facebook page, maybe you should stick to the younger guys and maybe you aren’t ready for a relationship anyway.
7. Stick to your beliefs and your requirements. If you are a vegetarian you can find someone who is a vegetarian to date. If that is something that is important to you. If you have children and you only want to date someone with children you can find that in someone. Or the opposite if you do not have children you can find someone to date who doesn’t have children. They are out there! My friends and family told me for the longest time that I was too picky.
I wouldn’t date anyone with children, tried not to date people who were divorced, wouldn’t date a guy who didn’t live on his own, and wouldn’t date someone who had just gotten out of a relationship. I had my reasons for all of these requirements and had no problem finding many extremely successful, charming, funny and handsome men who met my requirements.
8. I am really independent. Should I let on how independent I am or should I lie? Women ponder this scenario often. Yes I believe from my experiences it is true men aren’t super excited about meeting and dating a woman who is so independent she is completely 100% self-sufficient.
But, if you think about it woman aren’t excited about dating a man who absolutely needs no one, either. Men like to feel needed. I’m not saying you have to need a man to pay you rent or buy your groceries but everyone likes to feel needed. While I wouldn’t recommend downplaying or lying about your independence at the same time don’t flaunt or exaggerate it either.
9. Know your limits. I don’t care if he owns a 4000 square foot house, drives an H2 and loves your kids; if he isn’t good to you or if he is into things you are not into and would never be into, know your limits and stick to them.